


I Almost Drowned Once

by mothdotjpeg



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Merluca - Freeform, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothdotjpeg/pseuds/mothdotjpeg
Summary: Meredith tried to comfort Andrew after 16x21
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Andrew DeLuca
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	I Almost Drowned Once

Andrew’s eyes were dry and tired. He was looking at Meredith from across her bed, she was perched haphazardly on the edge. It was quiet, the noises of their slowed breathing taking up the air. The room was dark, the world felt tense and dim. Something that crawls under your skin. Crawling under your skin, and welling up in Andrew’s chest. Nausea settling in the bottom of his stomach, filling his throat with a sick taste.  
“Mere…” A gag settled in the back of his throat. That feeling was messing with his head, he felt like he might throw up every time he looked up at Meredith. It wasn’t that she looked upset, she wasn’t showing any emotion on her face aside from listening. She cared. Honestly, he didn’t know how she does it. How she sits and listens, but she is perched on the edge of her bed. Scared to come close, touch him, or hurt him and it makes him want to cry.  
“Andrew.” Something in the way she said it made his heart hurt. He closed his eyes and breathed, the feeling of her standing close to him. The way her hands had rested on his chest as she looked up at him. The first time he could remember her saying his first name. Her excuse. Feelings that made him open his eyes and his breath catch in his throat. Gagging on air. Suffocating on a memory he was worried he would never be able to relive.  
“What am I doing?” Quietness filled their lungs as he choked it out, trying not to cry again. Whatever tension had lingered in the car ride home, and in the evening following, was overwhelming and unwanted. It had been there too long and it made Andrew’s chest hurt even worse. Why couldn’t Meredith just talk to him? Why couldn’t she help him? Why was he like this? It all felt like too much and he wanted to cry more.  
“Andrew,” Meredith broke the silence and crawled across the bed from her perch on the edge of the mattress to sit next to him. Although she tried to get him to look at her, he sat looking at his hands like a lost child. “We’re going to figure this out, okay?” It didn’t make the sickness in his stomach go away, or his head calmer, but he knew she meant it.  
It had been a long night. You could tell from the fact Andrew had stopped crying, and the way Meredith’s eyes lingered on his face. The kids were asleep, and Meredith craved to be with them. But Andrew’s breathing was still heavy and she wanted to be here. He had been quiet on the car ride home, faked a smile for the kids, but as soon as Meredith came into her room she found him in tears again. It went mania and aggression and yelling fights in the middle of the hospital, to silence and tears. They didn’t know how to act around each other. This man was just sitting on Meredith’s bed, trying so hard not to cry.  
He hated himself. Staring at his hands, unable to cry anymore because he had for hours. The dryness of his throat, the shame he felt. Everything inside him wanted to just be able to look at the woman in front and him and be strong. Not because he thought Meredith couldn’t handle him, but he wanted nothing more than to be something good in her life. And all he could do was make it harder.  
“Andrew.” The tone she used wasn’t undermining or condescending. It wasn’t how she talked to her kids when they misbehaved. She wasn’t trying, she was asking. Asking for him to be honest, and asking for him to be human with her. Even though she had held him, and comforted him all evening. Given him space, and didn’t show a reaction when he flinched away from her touch. Even though she had put up with his nonsense for weeks, and fought with him until he screamed at her that it was over. She wasn’t letting it be over. There he was, sitting in her bed, her eyes resting on him gently. Taking him home after finding him in the hallway. Listening while he begged for air, and not saying a word while he dozed off in her arms. He knew that she understood.  
“I almost drowned once.” It wasn’t sad, or distracting. Just a statement that brought his eyes to hers. Confused.  
“You what?” His voice was hoarse and quiet, and it made Meredith want to go get him some water but she knew he would deny it.  
“When I was an intern. I was, uh. There was a ferry boat accident, and I fell into the water.” She said it gently, looking from his eyes to his hands, before reaching out to take one. It felt comforting, even though it was traumatic. For a moment, he didn’t feel like crying more. He was interested and focused on her hand in his, and the way her eyes seemed like the only things around. Her face was blank and had a look of nostalgia for the years of her internship. They rarely talked about this stuff.  
“You couldn’t swim?” Part of his tone was joking, which caught Meredith off-guard. Used to the evening of tears and silence, and broken eyesight. She smiled at him, noticing the light in his eyes. For the first time in weeks, some part of Andrew was inside.  
“Oh, I could.” Part of her laughed a bit inside, she wasn’t unfamiliar with this story. It wasn’t hard to say, it was a part of her life. A surprisingly untraumatic part. Andrew looked at her confused. Before he could ask, she continued. “I didn’t want to swim. I gave up.” Meredith watched the light in his eyes drop, and she moved to sit next to him. His eyes rested on their hands, and he waited to speak until he looked up into her eyes.  
“You never told me that.” Tears were settled in his eyes, and Meredith admired his face for a moment. He reminded her of herself when she was an intern. Wreckless, stupid, mentally unstable, and bad at relationships.  
“You don’t know a lot about me.” She winked at him as he continued to stare into her eyes. Andrew was relieved, maybe that was the point of her telling him. So he didn’t feel so alone. It still felt crushing, he still felt like sobbing more. But he leaned his head on Meredith’s shoulder and tried to breathe.  
“Thank you.”


End file.
